Need to Breathe

Ever just have one of those days?

The kind where the people around you seem to be in complete chaos? The kind where you just can't get a clear answer from anyone, including God? The kind where the only thing you want to do is hop in your car and speed off in the opposite direction of all the nonsense and just get away? And just breathe.

I'm so incredibly irritated right now. And yes, Christians are allowed to get irritated. I'm irritated with friends. With school. With people who choose to lead chaotic lives. With the shallowness of high school. With drama. With the church for staying in this little Christian bubble. I just want to break free.

And yet, I'm reminded that I am exactly where I need to be. This is where God has me right now. Not that it won't change or that there's not more I could be doing, but I'm here for a reason. I've got a purpose. I'm called to live these "teen" years in such a way that God is glorified. But I still need to breathe.

But maybe it's not free space I'm in need of. Maybe it's not just oxygen I truly desire. What I need isn't in some solitary place miles away. He's right beside me. Always has been. Always will be. He's working in the midst of all the frustrations of my life.

I have this "Devinism"(something that is a trait specific to me :D). For the seasons of my life, I have a song. It tends to change as life changes. Right now my song is "Whatever You're Doing" by Santus Real (lyrics at the end). It simply says that whatever God's doing feels like chaos, and yet He gives an overwhelming peace.

A joy. A renewal. He supplies. He surrounds us with His presence. We can breathe Him in.

Oh God, right now life feels chaotic. And yet I know that You are working. I can see You moving. I need you to supply me. I need Your peace. I need Your grace. I need Your patience. I need Your love. I need to breathe You in and be consumed by You.

Whatever You're Doing-Santus Real
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It's time to fix up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out