Learning...

I'm learning. Mainly about weakness. I'm so weak. It seems like I'm fighting one battle after another. I'm being attacked in my grace, love, patience, confidence, and my ability, or lack there-of, to use my words to say what needs to by said in the right way. I've gone from pride to self-doubt on a constantly swinging, rarely balanced pendulum; I'm worn thin by the realization of who God is calling me to be and how completely and utterly hard that is for me because at the core of everything He's calling me to, Jesus is calling me to be selfless.

I'm learning.

I'm learning that it is in my weakness that the glory of the Lord is made known. It's when I'm at my lowest that He can step in and show me once again how much He truly cares. It's when I feel like I can't take one more step for fear of the world shattering beneath my feet, He shows me that it's His hands that hold everything together.

In the midst of the chaos, there are times when I have an overwhelming peace. It permeates me. Sometimes when I walk at school, the most chaotic time of my day, I have this peace in knowing that I'm right where God has called me to be. I know that I'm here for a purpose.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

It's constant, unwavering, unshakeable, engrained into the very fiber of my being. No matter how weak I feel, how down, how depressed, how fallen, the joy that fills my life is always there, reminding me of the way God always comes through; in little, unsuspected ways or in great displays of might, He always keeps His promises.

I will cling to the Lord, my source of strength, my peace, my deliverer, my life, my beloved.