Faithful

Giving up is easy for me. I'm actually kind of lazy. And right now I'm so thankful that God isn't. He's faithful. A kind of faithful that I'll never be, even if I lived a thousand years. I think about the millions of times that I've ever considered giving up on Him. In reality, I can't. I mean, I've tasted life on the other side and refuse to go back to it. But I still think about. I still think about turning my back on the one who loves me more than I could ever imagine. And then I think about how thankful I am that He's never thought of turning His back on me.

How undeserving am I?! I don't even deserve for God to look at me, let alone love me, let alone deal with all my "stuff", let alone walk in any kind of relationship with me. And yet He does. He looks at me and sees my potential, He loves me with a love that I can't even wrap my head around, He patiently deals with all my "stuff", and He pursues and continuing love relationship with me. And me? I don't turn to God when He should be the only one I seek, I don't love Him with every fiber of my being as I should, I don't release my white-knuckled grip on the "stuff" of my life, and I don't put my walk before everything else.

And yet, He's faithful to me. Why? I'm so wishy-washy. I'm up, I'm down. I even get tired of me. But He's always right there by my side to guide me to Himself, Especially lately. I've been so down, so discouraged, so incredibly exhausted. But the Lord has been continually renewing me with encouragement from His word, with His peace. I've been clinging to Isaiah 40:29-31. I remember somewhat arguing with God the other day and the first part of the verse came to mind. "Even youths will grow tired and weary." I was like, "See! Your word even says that I'm gonna get tired!" But He said, "Finish the verse, Devin." I (grudgingly) said, "But those trust in the Lord will renew their strength." How He's been proving that to me!

God's faithfulness is so amazing! He continually shows me that He is a promise keeper. He promised to never leave me nor forsake me, and He hasn't, even when I've wanted to leave Him because it's "too hard." Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness. You pressed on when I would have given up, You loved when I would have turned to hate, You had patience when I would have thrown up my hands in frustration. Oh God, make me faithful like You!

Pressing On...

The last month and a half has possibly been the longest of my life. Honestly, I've hated much of it. Life hasn't been easy. I found out two people who I love dearly were leaving for Africa, and then school spiraled out of control. I was drowning in drama. Not to mention that my Source of strength has been silently testing me for the duration of this period, to the point where I've wondered where the heck He is. Frustrated? You have no idea.
However, God speaks in the silence. I know this as truth. But I have no idea what He's saying. I need to work on the whole clarity/discernment thing. I've been so down lately, so wanting to give up. But then I remember where God has brought me from. I've come too far to turn around. When I think about how God has changed my life, I want nothing more than to be in His arms, to let Him lead me and stretch me. It's so worth it! So I've made my decision. I will not give up. I will press on toward the God I love and serve. I will trust Him with these situations in my life that I can't control. And I will wait patiently on His voice. I know He has something to say, something BIG, but He also has perfect timing that generally doesn't line up with what I want. My God is faithful. Father, I'm waiting on You. I will not give up, I will not back down, I will press on. You are worth the fight. I will not be shaken.

Date Night

This past week was one of the longest weeks of my life. Every night I had a very large amount of homework and very little incentive to do it, so I was up very late every night and was extremely tired every day. And I definitely didn't want to do my devotions (I'm very undisciplined). But by the time Friday night rolled around, I was thirsty. I was starving for my alone time with Christ. So we had a date night. Just me and Jesus, hanging out. With all the challenges in my life recently, I've known that God has had something to say to me. So I made myself open to Him, curled up on my window seat, and began to search and listen.
At first I couldn't decide where to start, but then I remembered that the Bible study I'm in is getting ready to start 1st Corinthians, so I began to read there. As I read, God used His word to speak to my heart. In 1:19-20, it says, "I will destroy the wisdom of those who are wise. I will do away with the cleverness of those who think they are so smart. Where is the wise person? Where is the educated person? Where are the great thinkers of this world? Hasn't God made the wisdom of the world foolish?" I was caught in. Most people who know me know that I love learning, and I'm one of those rare teenagers who likes to go to school to learn. Last year I was really caught up in making outstanding grades and coming out on top. This year, not so much, but as we've been forced to think about college, I've eliminated any school without an outstanding academic reputation, and a lot of Christian schools for fear that they won't give me the education I want. And then I read that verse and realized just how stupid I am. None of that stuff prepares me for eternity, or aides in deepening my relationship with Christ. I so deeply desire that my whole life-every dream, thought, passion, decision, EVERYTHING-would revolve around Christ, that I wouldn't live a life of selfishness, but of selflessness. However, I had let my dreams of success (my definition of success, at least) get in the way, when in reality God has something planned for me that I could never, ever dream up on my own. How incredibly freeing! And humbling. The things I once considered great and worth my time I now count as worthless compared to the glory of Christ. From those few verses, the Lord made me realize just how great He is, and how insignificant everything else is. I don't want anything this world has to offer. I simply want Jesus. I can feel everything in my life being reoriented and reprioritized to Christ. And I have a burning desire to know Him in the deepest most intimate way possible. I want Him to be my all, for everything else is dim compared to His glory.
So that was my "date night". It's amazing how just a few minutes in the Lord's presence can change your life forever...

REdefinition

Something I love about God is the way He accepts us for who we are, but never, ever leaves us there. However, there are times when we feel like we should just be left alone. I guess God's been changing my attitude about that. He's been challenging me. Like on Easter Sunday, I felt like God was challenging me to be selfless, something I most certainly am not, but have been praying about. Also my attitude in general, the way I come off to people. I want to be so in Christ and He in me that even on the bad days He shines through. But how is that realistic? I mean, how do I get past my humanity enough to see God myself, let alone allow others to see Him? And at school, when I'm frustrated, how do I still treat people right? Like today I got so frustrated with people in my class because they dropped the ball on something that wasn't a big deal. I just don't know. But I do know that right now, one of my deepest desires is to be like Christ through an intimate relationship with Him. And I praise God for giving me that, because I'm so incompetent that I couldn't have even gotten there on my own. Teach me, Jesus. Teach me how to be like You even when the situation sucks. Transform me down the my very nature, mold my heart and mind to You. May I reflect you to those around me. Be the firm foundation on which I stand and live and move and breathe.

It's Springtime!!!!!

I love spring!!!!! Everything about it (accept for allergies) is amazing! The trees are starting to bud, the days are warmer, the sun is setting later, the grass is greener. The daffodils in my yard are blooming. I always know that spring is upon us when the daffodils start to bloom. I love the thought of new life, new beginnings, second chances. It's a reminder that things don't stay bleak and dead, but that new life comes.
And now Easter is almost here. It's the time when we get to celebrate the resurrection of Christ and His victory over death. It's a reminder that we can have that same victory. Often at this time of year I find myself getting caught up in the commercial aspects of Easter-eggs and candy, new clothes, etc. But my heart's desire is that this year would be different. This year, I want to know, I mean really understand and share the victory and freedom of Christ.
In this time of new beginnings, let me share in Your victory, Jesus. Let me experience you in knew and exciting ways.

The little things in life.

Oh how the little things in life can bring a person such joy! For example, the other day I went walking on the Greenway, currently my favorite spot in Nashville. I got so excited in just being there! I was just walking peacefully in God's creation! No cell phone, few distractions. I could hear little animals moving in the brush beside the path, and the naturalness of it all made me so happy! Minus the noise of the construction going on across the river, the Greenway has become almost like an escape, a place to pray, to think, to walk, to just be. I like those moments. Often, we don't take the time to just relax. It's always go, go, go; do, do, do. I simply get burnt out. But in moment like the ones at the Greenway, just me and Jesus, just enjoying God's gift of creation, it's rejuvenation to my soul.
And then there's the simple joys of just being with friends. Little inside jokes even make me happy, things no one else understands. I am so blessed to have the godly influences and accountability in my life. Margaret Guenther said, "We all need friends with whom we can speak of our deepest concerns, and who do not fear to speak the truth in love to us." I am so blessed to be able to say that I have that. Just like when God tells me I'm in the wrong, so it hurts when they tell me I'm in the wrong, but it's okay, because I not only hear from them that they love me, but I see it in their actions, which truly speak louder than words. The smile of a friend, a simple phone call, the long late-night conversations, the tears shed-all bring me joy. Even the difficulties of friendship aren't entirely bad. After all, it's in those difficulties that the bond grows and deepens. I hope that I never, ever take a single friendship for granted.
Oh, the little things in life! Sometimes when you step back and take a look at those "little things", you realize just how big they are to you.

Confessions of a first-time blogger

So I'll admit it: I've never once blogged in my life. This whole confession for all to see is new. So I'll give it a try...
Currently, life is good, because God is good. Always. Everyday. He is everything to me. I've come to realize just how much I fall short. I'm seeing how unworthy I am, how imperfect, how dumb, how petty I truly am. It's humbling. And it sucks. But I'm growing, I'm being stretched, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me at the end of this particular growth period in my life. Right now, it's hard to know who I am, where I belong, what my place is in God's grand scheme of things. But it's in those times that I remember that if I just seek His face, He will work the rest out. How freeing! All I have to do is seek, listen, have faith, trust, and He's got everything else. But for some reason that's hard for me, as it is for most people. Jesus, give me the grace to trust You more, to fall freely into Your arms, relying on Your power to see me through.